Rhyme of Duty is a parody fanfic written by Violetofen4.


It was a normal day for Alex Mason. He lounged, drinking purple lemonade strawberry splits while eating 50 tons of pancakes with Boysenberry dressing. Is that even possible?

Of course it's possible! Mason recently became a member of the new division of the rejected Marines: Rhyme.

What was the rhyme? And why was it there? And why was it lifted and taken somewhere? At the far end of town where the grickle grass grows, ask the old Once-ler, he-oh wait, wrong story, or is it?

Am I confusing you? Good, be confused, that's how it's preferred.

Now imagine bright blue. Imagine the sky. It's the Jungle of Nool near the River Walloo! Or do you think it is? Is it just the logo on Mason's shirt as he waits to be sent out on another mission? How about that bird with a one-feather tail holding a big machine gun?

You bet it. You're not seeing any jungle, soldier, you're finally seeing the Rhyme Division.

Have I set your imagination (or commonly known as the "laughing hole") a flutter? How about your nostalgic noggin to send signals of giggles down your throat?

Don't head down a sunken boat, these rhymes will stay afloat, so grab a pen and take some notes, this isn't a story you'll sugarcoat.

Chapter 1Edit

So where were we? Oh yes. Mason was eating the splits and pancakes, correct?

It was a normal day for Alex Mason. He lounged, drinking purple lemonade strawberry splits while eating 50 tons of pancakes with Boysenberry dressing. That was how it went, right?

Well here sat Mason, eating his strange foods, while Hudson was loudly chatting with his teenage gal pals on his phone, and Woods was smoking bright pink paper.

You might think now this sounds very, very normal of course, like they do this every day....Well. You're right. They do this every single day.

Except today was a special day. Rhyme was getting new members, and they were patiently awaiting on Captain Price and Soap to deliver them to the division doors.

Finally! After 3 hours of waiting, the doors burst open. Mason's jaw dropped open.

"You hired these clowns for our division?" he snapped.

There stood a tall, annoying, and jittery Cat in the Hat, a large, selfless elephant, a small bird that clung to his leg,  a Yook with a bag of toast, and some turtle who is totally not metaphorically based off Hitler in any way.

"Hey, hey! Back in my day the wall wasn't so high, and we could look any Zook square in the eye!" the Yook complained. Hudson looked up like the snobby teenage-girl-wannabe (s)he is.

"This isn't the Butter Battle Book." Hudson sharply replied. Soap shrugged.

"Well, they're hired. No one wants a fat elephant named Horton anyways." Soap explained, then began to walk away to Captain Price, who was socially awkward without his soap bar around.

Just then, the giant elephant burst into tears. The little blue bird burst into rage.

"You don't mess with him! DIEEEEE!" she screamed, pulling out a Glock from under her wing and shooting Soap in the head. He fell to the floor, bleeding everywhere.

"Thanks Gertrude," Horton sniffed. She smiled and clung to his leg again.

Mason's eye twitched.

"And I thought we were weird!" he whispered to Woods, who nodded meekly. The two men began to walk forward, almost stepping on the turtle's back.

"Hey! I want a tower of 567 turtles, that should do it! Then I can see everything!" he growled.

"And who are you?" Mason cutely poked at the turtle, who attempted to bite his finegr.

"Awwwwwww," said Woods, who reached down also.

The turtle huffed and turned his back away from him.

"Huff, I'm Yertle the Turtle, and I'm not a Squirtle! I want to be higher than the trees!"

Mason let out a squeal at the adorableness of this tiny turtle.

"Dawwwww, let's call him Yogurt! Do you want to be in a helicopter?"

Finally the Cat took his umbrella and knocked Mason out, then put Yertle back in his hat.

"Serves him right to not want fun, when there's so much fun can be done in the sun!" the Cat giggled.

Hudson and Woods exchanged a glance.

"How are we supposed to train these dumb fucks to be soldiers?" Hudson asked precautiously. Woods shrugged.

"We got to un-rhyme them first. Okay boys, day one is now in session."

Chapter 1Edit

Cat lounged gently on a hammock while Gertrude sat on one of Horton's giant ears. Mason and Woods exchanged nervous glances.

"S-so....what do you guys do for fun?" Mason asked cautiously.

"FUN!? FUN!? FUUUN!? THERE'S SO MUCH FUN CAN BE HAD WITH A GUN!" Cat screamed, then hit himself with his umbrella. He passed out on the floor.

"So much for the Hatless Cat." Hudson muttered from her texts.

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